Vengeance is Mine (sayeth the Lord)

Tonight I went to Glastonbury to see the titled band perform. The lineup is as follows:

Brad- Vocals
Chris- Guitar
Tim Knight- Bass Guitar
Alex Knight- Drums

I do not say the following lightly and I truly mean it when I say it:

Individually each instrument player in that band is an absolute MASTER of their respective instrument. I've never heard or seen (live, recorded or otherwise) a more talented drummer than Alex. Tim's bass playing is really something special. As for Chris he is the most talented guitar player I've ever met.

Fronting the band was Brad on vocals, it's certainly his preference in genre that seems to heavily define the rest of the band. It was very heavy metal almost all the way and Brad very rarely broke crow/shout except for in the 2 songs that required melodic singing (which were both covers).

I enjoyed their music. They played their genre very well. My favourite song of the night was their cover of System of a Down's Suite Pee, they certainly did it justice.

Given that this was only their second gig and also given that they are as I say an immensely talented group of individuals, I'm certain that they can only get better.




A welcome break from the misery that is this week.

"To sleep is to dream..."

...and to dream is to have nightmares.

Sometimes I wonder if I have some sort of major psychological defect that prevents me from dreaming anything pleasant.

I'm tired but I know as soon as I go to sleep the nightmares will hound me and tear at me until I force myself awake.

And as the dreams increase in intensity I know there is something wrong. Most likely something I can't (or don't wish to) fix.

I don't want to dream anymore. Not of things that torture me nor of things that scare me.

I'll deal with it alone as I always do. As it should be.



And now for an unassociated contemplation on myself:

For one who accounts the majority of his suffering to lonliness, I'm very quick to shun people and distance myself.

:(

Fuck.

Burlesque no more.

The burlesque lounge/bar named "The Velvet Lounge" below our flat is no more.

Bad times.

It is now a full tabledancing/lapdancing strip club of some sort, classily named "Wildcats". It has velvet curtains and everything.

Good times.

And a word of advice to an old friend.

Falling in love is nobody's fault. The heart has a will of it's own, it wants what it wants. You will find that you love whom you love and as touching of a sentiment as that is, oft times it is an agonising curse.

But no, nobody should be angry at you for loving against your will. Nobody should condemn you for feeling what you feel, for caring. From situations such as these only pain and misery can be the outcome, at least for somebody. Most often for the hapless fool whose heart jumps out of his chest and attaches itself to the closest inappropriate person.

Heart: "I want that one"
Fool: "You can't have that one...ever"
Heart: "Too late, I've chosen. It's that person else I destroy myself."
Fool: "But that would hurt"
Heart: "For some reason that doesn't matter as much to me as it does to you."

...

Fool: "ow."


Poor Fool. Circumstance aims to make a mockery of him. My heart goes out to you and those affected by the choices hearts make.

I shall close with one of the few Shakespeare quotes I still know by heart:

"Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player, that struts and frets his hour upon the stage, and then is heard no more; It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing."

Forgiveness

"It has been ten thousand years Nada...yes. I still love you. But I have not yet forgiven you."

Open with a quote, it's all the rage.

I'm angry right now, maybe I'm not thinking clearly as I've just come off a 12-hour shift at work. All the same I feel angry.

Angry at the realisation that everyone I've ever loved, none of them loved me. (I'm sure my syntax and grammer is bad there).

Out of all of my ex-girlfriends, I don't think any of the ones I fell in love with ever fell for me.

I'm not arrogant enough to believe I can ever know anything about anybody else for certain, but this epiphany seems pretty accurate to me.

I renounce the heart.

So much anger when I wake and nothing but nightmares when I sleep. Today I have no escape.


-sigh-

Curse

The new flat is cursed.

Seriously.

Cursed.

That aside I had to come home, there's no internet at the flat yet. Also if I had stayed I'd be the only person living there for a few months. I don't mind living on my own, I'm lonely most of the time anyway, so I might as well cut myself off completely. But I tend to get dangerously depressed if I spend any large amount of time alone with only my thoughts for company. I'd rather avoid that.