Bon Voyage

I'm going back to Bristol today. Moving the remainder of my stuff into the flat.

No internet at the flat :( So farewell to those I won't get to talk to for a while.

Jinxed

Y'know that nasty feeling you get when you feel like something really bad is going to happen soon or some horrible occurance of bad luck is closing in on you? Well I've been having that feeling for the past few days.

I have been having a bad few days. Nothing major, just lots of little/medium-sized things going wrong.

Friday was Elize's birthday meal and my hair decided it wanted a bad hair day all of a sudden. (Tiny thing really but I wanted to make a good impression on people I hadn't seen for a while).

On the drive back I almost had an accident. (Thanks to my mad driving skillz I survived.)

This morning I was almost late for work and had forgotten my keycard and my knife. (Irratating but not a problem really).

On the drive home my car broke down at a very dangerous location and I had to push it uphill to a safe location and then run 3 miles to get home because this morning I had also forgotten my phone (I say "forgotten" but I actually never take it with me anyway). That's right I had to run 3 miles in the pitch dark after a 12 hour shift of manual labour in which I was on my feet the whole time. (This one really annoyed me but on the plus side I discovered that thanks to my job I'm fitter than perhaps I've ever been).

Looking at this list I've noticed that the occurances of bad luck are getting progressively worse and seeing as how the foreboding feeling is still with me I'm guessing the worst is yet to come.

-sigh- Ok Fates, what's next?

Misanthrope

It's hard to be miserable and lonely, it pains me. But what pains me more is watching other people fall into misery. Misery loves company, but I do not. I'd suffer all the pain in the world if it meant that the others would be happy. I don't care about myself and I don't much care about them but at least my suffering would mean something.

Happiness isn't as elusive as people think. It is not a holy grail either. It exists and it's usually staring you right in the face, just have the courage to reach out for it and grab it.

You will not find me practising what I preach. It's lonely down here where my soul rests but at least it's peaceful. You can't hurt me and I can't hear you.

Why do I allow myself to suffer, or oft times force it upon myself? Do I despise myself so much that I gain some sort of satisfaction from sabotaging my own life? Can I be the only one who sees whatever it is in me that I hate so much? Do I truly deserve suffering or do I just think that I do? Do I already deep down know the answer to that question and just won't allow myself to think it even for the briefest moment?


I could have much more than I have allowed myself.

Two weeks

Then I'm back to Bristol. I like the city but I know I'll miss the woods, the riverbank, the fields and my cats once I'm back there.

People I could give or take, but my cats are the only beings who not only think they are better than everyone else but are correct in that assumption.