I caught sight of my reflection...

...I caught it in the window.
I saw the darkness in my heart.
I saw the signs of my undoing,
they had been there from the start.


A long while ago I set off down a path and started to become something I thought I wanted to be. I've travelled down this road so far I don't think it's possible to turn back. I've finally become the person I set out to be.

But now that I've reached my destination I realise that I don't want to be here. I don't want to be the man I've become. All this path will bring me is misery and lonliness and yet I knew that when I set out on the journey. I guess I was so in love with this narcissistic image of myself as the "loner" that I was willing to sacrifice everything. Now I have, congratulations Row, well done.

This isn't the post I promised, that "life update" is yet to come. It seems pointless now, to descibe my life would sink the final nail into the coffin of hope. I need to remember who I was but there's no one left to remind me, I doubt there's anyone left who even remembers.

Did I have a heart?

And if we break before the dawn...

...we'll use up what we used to be.

Never did get over it did you Matthew?



...her*...


Ah but you wouldn't be you without being pathetic. Just take another painkiller and roll over Matt. Sleep forever.

Hello...

...my name is Matt Mather but you can call me Row. I'm 22, a Leo, I enjoy walks in the dark, drawing and bashing my head repeatedly against my desk until I draw blood.

I mean BLOODY ODDS BODKINS!!!

My life is fucking clown shoes! And I'm the one who makes it so. I, like everybody else am doomed to repeat the same cycle of events again and again until I give up and tape my eyelids shut, hide in the cupboard under the stairs and quietly sing Gloomy Sunday to myself.

...Ok so that last one was probably exclusive to me but we all repeat the same tired crap over and over again.

Hills and valleys, peaks and troughs, a whole jolly pirate rollarcoaster without anything nearly as interesting as pirates. That's life isn't it and life isn't fair. I hear that a lot, I mean it's the standard response when you make any form of complaint or comment about how much life sucks. What a startlingly useful bit of wisdom that is!

I hate me, I'm a horrible excuse for a human being. Which is one of the reasons I sabotage my own life and push most people away when I get the chance. So I shouldn't complain really, it's my own fault. But all the same, I hate my life and I hate being me.

Hello, I'm Matt Mather. That is my crime, it is also my punishment.


{I'm a whiney little brat sometimes aren't I? :P}

Design Issues

I need to give this page a revamp, looking at it is starting to depress me.

Maybe I should go for the total opposite and have bright colours and smiley faces all over it or something.

Ah who the hell cares, no-one comes here anyway :P