Misanthrope
It's hard to be miserable and lonely, it pains me. But what pains me more is watching other people fall into misery. Misery loves company, but I do not. I'd suffer all the pain in the world if it meant that the others would be happy. I don't care about myself and I don't much care about them but at least my suffering would mean something.
Happiness isn't as elusive as people think. It is not a holy grail either. It exists and it's usually staring you right in the face, just have the courage to reach out for it and grab it.
You will not find me practising what I preach. It's lonely down here where my soul rests but at least it's peaceful. You can't hurt me and I can't hear you.
Why do I allow myself to suffer, or oft times force it upon myself? Do I despise myself so much that I gain some sort of satisfaction from sabotaging my own life? Can I be the only one who sees whatever it is in me that I hate so much? Do I truly deserve suffering or do I just think that I do? Do I already deep down know the answer to that question and just won't allow myself to think it even for the briefest moment?
I could have much more than I have allowed myself.
1 comment:
~hugs~ I realy wish you would allow yourself an moment or two of a liitle bit of joy and happiness.. Like I always say I FEEL you deserve to be happy, I do understand how you feel about yourself tho, I don't commend or condem you for it also... And no matter how you feel you know what I still love ya and enjoy our chats (even as little as they are now) and I would not change that for anything. But take care dear *hugs*
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