I was going to post an elaborate entry all about how I'm feeling, had it all typed out and everything, but instead I think I'll just post a string of profanities and be done with it:
Jesus fuck bastard accursed damnation shitting twot!!!
I feel slightly better. Think I'll go kill myself for a bit.
We're having a party on saturday. Everyone seems to be really looking forward to it. Me and Dan decorated the flat especially, we even got a christmas tree. Hopefully the party will be a success, enough people are coming for it to be fun.
Essentially, with the exception of Rob, we're a flat of bachelors which before a party always seems all the more obvious as a fact. I think they're all hoping for a little romance this christmas and certainly for a little romance at the party. To that end I've helped the others out by giving them one of my better ideas. Seeing as how the majority of people invited are female I suggested placing mistletoe above the front door so that when they go to let the guests in they can ask for a kiss before entry is granted. I'm looking forward to seeing the inevitable rush to answer the front door when the bell rings hehe.
Myself, although I'm looking forward to the party, I'm not hoping or looking for anything of the romantic nature to happen. I'd much rather place it in Fate's hands and if anything happens, it happens. I don't think I have much heart in me for romance.
At this party I shall be mostly playing Singstar. Perhaps I'll sing a duet with someone or perhaps just serenade the room :P
...I shaved. The comedy wasn't worth the stigma.
Just when I was starting to feel good about myself my depression starts to get the better of me. It's always the way, I can't help it either. I've struggled for the longest time with manic depression, it's not a case of not letting it get to you because it does, no matter what. Unless I go back on the meds of course, to which I refuse.
There's no-one I can really talk to about everything. I never feel right bothering anyone with my problems or my feelings. Sometimes all I want is someone to hold me close and tell me everything will be ok, that I'm loved.
I always blame myself for however I feel. It's my fault if I don't/won't feel better.
Still having nightmares. Those aren't as bad as the dreams though. But that's a story for another time.
I haven't shaved for about 4-5 days and I just looked at myself in the mirror;
hahahahahahahhahahahaha...
...lemme finish...
....hahahahahaha.
I might not shave again for a while and grow a beard for the sheer comedic value.
